REBEL RULES #5: RAISE THE BRA

All good rebels know that there are certain rules for dressing if you want to make it out of the house without a fight, and avoid hearing your mom bemoan what she did in her previous life to make you turn out this way.

This may pose interesting challenges when it comes to defining your personal style. But, don’t hide your “real” clothes in the bushes outside your home just yet! In this series, we’ll explore some of these seemingly outdated rules and ways to overcome them.

Rule #5:

THOU SHALT NOT EXPOSE THY BRA STRAPS.

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THE HEAT IS ON! FOUR SUMMER OUTFIT IDEAS

Although I spend most hot days sunning myself aboard my luxury yacht while dictating these words to my personal manservant, lately this summer of our discontent has caused me to lose every fight with “giving a damn about anything”. Completing arduous tasks like napping, sitting upright and breathing has been no easy feat.

The blistering weather has created thoughts in my brain that make as much sense as bucket candle monkey paper banana monocle… and perhaps even led me to be delusional enough to believe that I have a luxury yacht or personal manservant for that matter.

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DRESSING TO STARE

It has been scientifically proven that when Indian women hit age 40 and above (medically classified as “aunties“), they develop an eye condition that causes them to brazenly gawk at fellow brown brethren. Doctors have termed this malady “Shameless Tactless Annoying Rude Intense Nosy Glares” or STARING for short.

Symptoms of STARING include:

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PANTS FOR HOMELESS PEOPLE?

If there was a prize for the article of clothing that is most misunderstood by Indian parents, the nominees would be:

  • Shorts = “Why are you wearing underwear?”
  • Crop tops = “Why are you revealing how many rotis you ate at lunch?”
  • Sleeveless garments = “Why are you trying to lure boys with your bare arms?”

However, there is one more contender to this category that leaves all the aforementioned attire in the sartorial dust; a particular type of apparel that has plagued, confused and even infuriated our elders with its seemingly pointless design.

And the award goes to…

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SURVIVING INDIAN WEDDING SHOPPING

You know how it goes – you’re told to avoid boys your whole life until you hit a certain age and then your parents start freaking out about why you’re not married yet. Luckily for me, my stellar personality and discovery of laser hair removal helped me land a good man. I was able to enjoy being engaged for exactly 1.5 days before the whirlwind of wedding planning began, the families got involved, and what I wanted to be a midsize chubby ceremony has become five days of the big fat Indian wedding.

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THE FAT DRESS

It happens innocently enough. You’re tackling your closet, deciding what to wear.

You make a mental checklist of the requirements needed to craft today’s outfit: Will I see someone I want to impress? Have I been photographed on social media wearing this look? Did I shave my legs? What’s the weather like? Why is my phone buzzing so much? Oh crap, is that the time? Wasn’t I supposed to leave for my appointment 15 minutes ago? Shouldn’t I quickly get dressed instead of standing here asking myself rhetorical questions?

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WHAT TO WEAR: THE FAMILY EDITION

NOW BROUGHT TO YOU WITH A SLIDESHOW!

 

Perhaps the most important occasion for an Indian family – besides a wedding – is dinner. You know, that gathering where all your relatives come together, converse in a way that sounds like they’re yelling but that’s just how they talk, force-feed you 22 samosas, get offended when you decline dinner because you thought the samosas were dinner, make you eat more food anyway, then talk/yell some more.

It’s a wonderful chaos and one of the best parts of having a strong family unit. But before you can dive belly-first into the madness, there’s one important question to consider: What do I wear to a family dinner?

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REBEL RULES #3: STYLE SUPERSTITIONS

All good rebels know that there are certain rules for dressing if you want to make it out of the house without a fight, and avoid hearing your mom bemoan what she did in her previous life to make you turn out this way.

This may pose interesting challenges when it comes to defining your personal style. But, don’t hide your “real” clothes in the bushes outside your home just yet! In this series, we’ll explore some of these seemingly outdated rules and ways to overcome them.

Rule #3:

YOUR COLOR CHOICE IS SUBJECT TO SUPERSTITION.

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SCARVES: THE LAZY REBEL’S ACCESSORY

…THE HARDEST THING YOU’LL HAVE TO DO IS TIE!

For the un-rebellious, scarves are merely a means to stay warm or cover up any exposed bits that might make boys gawk at you inappropriately. But for the rebellious – i.e. those of us who don’t accept an accessory for its intended purpose – scarves are the easiest way to elevate an otherwise boring #OOTD that would probably only get you a few likes on Instagram and definitely no comments.

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AN AUNTIE TELLS IT LIKE IT IS

Beti, why are you posting pictures of yourself on the internet?” recently asked one of my 842 aunties. Her question meant well but she had that sort of defeated tone to her voice – the kind that translates to “girls nowadays and their nonsense behavior”.

I had been expecting this question ever since I started RWAC, so I offered up my best pre-rehearsed answers:

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