Category Archives: Shopping


We all have those items of clothing in our closet that we naturally skip over. It could be a pencil skirt that doesn’t go up past your thighs anymore but you keep in the vain hope that “It gets harder to lose weight as you get older” doesn’t apply to you. Maybe it’s the perfect white T-shirt with imperfect yellow armpit stains that you won’t wear or throw out until you find a suitable replacement.

And then there’s the “What was I thinking when I bought it?” pieces that seemed like a good idea at the time but now hang there rejected while every other apparel gets asked to dance.

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Before I had a child, breasts were merely for hanging out of too-tight tops in the hopes of luring a man. I suppose that tactic worked because one of those men became my husband. Now I’ve come full circle as those same breasts are still hanging out of too-tight tops (due to leftover pregnancy weight) to lure another man – this time of the baby variety.

Being a breastfeeding mom has been one of the most difficult and rewarding experiences of my life. My son has confounded and surprised me in every possible way. One day he screams for the boob, the next day he screams to get off it. He used to reject my left side, now he favors it. He initially used to hate my fast milk flow, now he fusses if it comes too slow.

However, all these issues pale in comparison to the most important part of breastfeeding:

What the heck do I wear?!

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Now that I’m well into the last trimester of my pregnancy with about two weeks to go before I’m supposed to push out a baby (it feels like ripping off a band-aid, right?!), wearing attire that doesn’t solely consist of pajamas is getting more and more difficult.

My lovely baby is thriving in my belly which means I’m constantly devoid of energy and my ass has more blubber than I’ve ever seen in my life – although I’m not sure it’s fair to blame an innocent child for my big butt when the cause may be the box of chocolates that’s permanently attached to my hand.

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Although I spend most hot days sunning myself aboard my luxury yacht while dictating these words to my personal manservant, lately this summer of our discontent has caused me to lose every fight with “giving a damn about anything”. Completing arduous tasks like napping, sitting upright and breathing has been no easy feat.

The blistering weather has created thoughts in my brain that make as much sense as bucket candle monkey paper banana monocle… and perhaps even led me to be delusional enough to believe that I have a luxury yacht or personal manservant for that matter.

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You know how it goes – you’re told to avoid boys your whole life until you hit a certain age and then your parents start freaking out about why you’re not married yet. Luckily for me, my stellar personality and discovery of laser hair removal helped me land a good man. I was able to enjoy being engaged for exactly 1.5 days before the whirlwind of wedding planning began, the families got involved, and what I wanted to be a midsize chubby ceremony has become five days of the big fat Indian wedding.

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