It has been scientifically proven that when Indian women hit age 40 and above (medically classified as “aunties“), they develop an eye condition that causes them to brazenly gawk at fellow brown brethren. Doctors have termed this malady “Shameless Tactless Annoying Rude Intense Nosy Glares” or STARING for short.
However, there is one more contender to this category that leaves all the aforementioned attire in the sartorial dust; a particular type of apparel that has plagued, confused and even infuriated our elders with its seemingly pointless design.
You know how it goes – you’re told to avoid boys your whole life until you hit a certain age and then your parents start freaking out about why you’re not married yet. Luckily for me, my stellar personality and discovery of laser hair removal helped me land a good man. I was able to enjoy being engaged for exactly 1.5 days before the whirlwind of wedding planning began, the families got involved, and what I wanted to be a midsize chubby ceremony has become five days of the big fat Indian wedding.
Perhaps the most important occasion for an Indian family – besides a wedding – is dinner. You know, that gathering where all your relatives come together, converse in a way that sounds like they’re yelling but that’s just how they talk, force-feed you 22 samosas, get offended when you decline dinner because you thought the samosas were dinner, make you eat more food anyway, then talk/yell some more.
It’s a wonderful chaos and one of the best parts of having a strong family unit. But before you can dive belly-first into the madness, there’s one important question to consider: What do I wear to a family dinner?
“Beti, why are you posting pictures of yourself on the internet?” recently asked one of my 842 aunties. Her question meant well but she had that sort of defeated tone to her voice – the kind that translates to “girls nowadays and their nonsense behavior”.
How are you doing? I know you might be feeling a little uncomfortable at the seams because of the two dinners (and lifetime of Oreos) I put you through, but try to bear with me, OK? The last thing we want is for you to come apart and reveal even more than I’m already exposing.
Considering the number of websites out there almost equals the population of India, thanks for finding your way to this one! Sure, a misguided Google search pertaining to closets, rebels and – probably less so – “Rebel Wilson’s closet” may have brought you here, but why don’t you stay and hang out? Who knows, you might even like it when you read what it’s about and realize that you totally fit in.