Added to the list of “Things They Don’t Tell You When You Have Kids” is that you can forget about making plans in advance. It’s like children have an inbuilt radar that detects when mommy really, really, really needs a night out to be covered in her own spit-up from drinking too much wine as opposed to the baby vomit she’s showered with daily.
But the moment you’ve confirmed dinner with your friends is when your child will decide to come down with some weird rash that Google makes sound more serious than it is, leaving you with no choice but to cancel your plans and make an emergency trip to the doctor.
Then alas! One day the twinkle twinkle little stars align and the kids actually go to bed at a decent time. They’ve washed their hands properly throughout the day so they haven’t ingested any weird germs. No noses have been running and they seem fine. Could you actually be free to go out? Is this really happening?
Quick! To the closet!
Don’t waste any time and use the following outfit formulas to speedily transform you from haggard mom to somewhat presentable human being.
FLOATY DRESS + STATEMENT SHOES
For the mom who: Feels her body has not been the same since having babies but still wants to look like her old stylish self.
The outfit: Your figure may have expanded but at least your feet have managed to stay cellulite-free. That’s an achievement, right? Start from the bottom up with a pair of eye-catching shoes. These feathered mules scream, “I’m so freakin’ ecstatic to be wearing something completely impractical that doesn’t require me to chase after any kids!”
While you may not have the same enthusiasm for your shape, there’s nothing wrong with a dress that skims over your body. In fact, when done properly a shapeless dress can actually be sexy*! This trapeze silhouette is more fitted up top then flares out below; however, it still looks flirty owing to the off-the-shoulder cut and hemline that goes above the knee. These elements can help make baggy pieces look intentional as opposed to sloppy.
(*My husband disagrees though and prefers more contoured clothes on women, but I’m not trying to impress him anyway since I don’t want to be impregnated again and further ruin my body.)
BASIC BASE + ROBE
For the mom who: Wants some versatility in her look that can easily transition from diaper duty to wine duty.
The outfit: A basic base is instantly transformed with a robe. Besides adding a unique layer, robes can be mixed and matched with all types of outfits. Anybody can wear practical pants and a t-shirt; however, taking this extra (and easy) step shows some personality and style during this challenging period with small children where you just don’t have time to put together outfits.
Belt it for a makeshift dress, wear it with shorts for a contrasting silhouette, or do what we busy moms do and throw it on to hide all the stains left by our children. You can rotate between a selection of robes of varying prints, lengths and fabrics to easily make an old boring look feel new again.
MOM CLOTHES + ATHLEISURE
For the mom who: Has no time to get ready because her kids wake up at ungodly hours/follow her into the bathroom/have decided to stop taking naps.
The outfit: “Throw something on” is the mom motto for getting dressed during hectic mornings (which is every morning when you’ve got kids). That usually means that you only ever head to the part of your wardrobe that houses your sweatpants and stained t-shirts because you’ve got 0.01 seconds to get dressed.
Luckily for you, athletic looks are now accepted as funky everyday attire that has no business actually being worn while being athletic. For the frazzled mom, this couldn’t come at a better time with joggers, leggings, tracksuits and sweatshirts being ideal kid-friendly apparel as well as a fashion statement. Invest in sporty pieces like this eye-catching track jacket which can be quickly added to your lazy mom clothes.
Now all you have to do is sneak away before the children’s radar goes off and thwarts you from getting out the door!